Saturday, August 22, 2009

No use in crying over spilled milk

Is that how the saying goes? probably not, but that is all that has been in my head since Friday morning. Thursday Justin went and picked up Collier from mom's and I went to run a few errands and then to the grocery to pick up something for dinner. I came right in and nursed Collier and then started dinner. Oh and it was pouring rain when I came in too! Justin had been gone for a few nights and it was nice to finally have him back home. We had a great evening.

Friday morning as I was in the shower it occured to me that I may not have taken my pumped goods out of my little cooler and put it in the frig the night before. My blood pressure spiked I'm sure as I rushed to get done with the shower to see if I had done it or not. After all, this was Collier's feedings for Friday. Run, dripping wet, with only a towel wrapped around me to look into that cooler and see 15oz sitting there. With a glimpse of hope, but knowing it was no good I rush to the computer to look up Madela's rules on how long breast milk is good in a cooker (it did at least have an ice pack in it) tears begin to run down my face and I don't know if I was really sad, angry or disappointed. Actually I was all of those things. Nope. I had to poor all of that out and I just can not tell you how badly it upset me. I cried the whole time I was emptying the bottles and then I just got mad and started stomping around. Justin really tried to make it better and tell me it wasn't that bad and that I was not the first or last mother to do this....It didn't make me feel any better... I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, unclenched my teeth and asked God to reveal to me what I was supposed to learn from this situation. I chilled out and tried to enjoy the rest of my morning before I had to go to work. So back to the saying.....I did cry over spilled milk and hope to not have to do it again!

I am very hard on myself about these sorts of things. It is stupid and dumb that I didn't even consider putting that away yet the cheese and eggs seemed to make it to the refrigerator just perfectly. How dumb. I'm still waiting to understand and know the exact reason. Maybe to lighten up a little. Probably though that I am NOT in total control and to let go and let Him!

1 comment:

Becky said...

if that is the first time in all of your sleep deprived state that is new parenthood, you are doing awesome. now (probably ducking since i wasn't a BF mom...) i know it took your body time and effort to make that liquid gold for collier, but i'm guessing God gave you more. so another lesson could be that He'll continue to give us abundntly more than all we could ask or imagine.

so my sister in control freakishness, let an aged (6 years lol) mama tell'll let go of so much over the coming years. so much that you can no longer chalk up to pregnant brain. but that you have to chalk up to mama brain. don't be hard on yourself. you didn't spend money on that milk you poured down that drain. although i'm sure you gave up some very precious time...which can be more expensive, huh?? (i've left formula out before and i probably should have just taken that money out and cramed it down the drain!!)