Thursday, January 5, 2012

His broken pasey and My broken heart...

Wednesday as I walked out of the door I asked Justin if he would snip Collier's pasey a little more (if you remember it has already been cut in half and he has preferred it that way since).  I honestly had forgotten that I asked him to cut it and so when Justin put him in the bed that night I heard him say to Collier 'oh what is wrong with it' to which Collier responded 'where is my other pas'.  I walked in and he was trying to keep the pas in and wasn't able to.  He was searching all in his bed for his 'oder pas' and I explained that there isn't another one and that is the one.  I didn't have an explanation as to what happened to the passey so I told him that Brinkley bit the tip off.  He sort of whined about it but was ok.  But after I walked out he started crying.  As we watched him on the monitor, my heart broke.  He was holding the pasey in with his left hand and had Maurice's tag in his right hand rubbing it all over his face.  I his cry was a frustrated and sad cry...not just I am not having my way.  It broke my heart.  I wanted to go in his room and hold and snuggle with him and tell him it was going to be ok.  I wanted to give him his whole pasey again, so that he would sleep soundly.  His entire night was restless as he would cry out every few hours.  I would check the monitor and he would be holding that pasey in doing all he could to keep it in.  Sad, sad momma!  I then told myself that it was probably not exactly the best timing to do that on the night before we start back to school.
I know in my head that it is time to get rid of this pas.  I know that the dentist told me that we needed to get rid of it because you can tell in his teeth that he sucks on a pasey.  I know that he needs to be completely detached from it by the time that his little sister arrives. I know all of this, but my heart breaks because he really wanted it and likes it when he goes to sleep. I want him to have what he needs in order to sleep good and comfortable and that is what the pasey provided...comfort!  So, this is just part of the process.  It may take a few nights or even a few weeks to adjust to this but I also know that the sooner we start this the better off I'll be.  

I mentioned that maybe we should just throw the pas away and he told me no.  I really don't have a plan on where we go from here.  But I am just going to pray that this process will be easy and that he'll adjust to this change with some level of ease. I don't want him to be sad.  I also don't want his really good sleeping habits to be changed either!

Thursday morning I called my mom and ask her to do the same to her passey's so that when she picked him up from school he didn't have a 'good' pas at her house and a broken one at our house.  That day he didn't nap!  Yikes.  But on the way home that night I was talking to him about his pas and that we really don't need it any more;  the moon was very clear and very bright.  He loves to look for the moon on our way home and when we get home always makes a point to find it once we get out of the car.  So, I asked him if we maybe should send pas up to the moon and let the moon hold pas for us?  I told him he could pick out the balloons and we could say buy buy to the passey's.  So, I think that is my plan now.

Thursday Night: it was better.  He only cried for a few minutes but was still quite a bit restless through the night.  He did a lot of kicking and I think that he kicked Maurice too far under the covers to actually find him in half sleep mode.  Pas was under his pillow and he never found that either.  I don't think that either of us slept well.

Friday: He napped fine and we just didn't talk about pas at all.  No mention of it at all.  Friday night he asked for it and found it in his bed.  He put it in and then took it out and put it to the side.  I told him that he didn't need it.  He slept soundly through the night without any crying out or restlessness!  Thank you Lord...I did pray hard in my quiet times this week that this would be an easy process and adjustment for Collier [and me].

If I can get myself in gear...aka showered and dressed for the day - it is 2:00 and I haven't done either!  I want to go and let him pick out a few balloons so that we can send them off this afternoon!  Ok. so I'm obviously in need of a to start with that for getting my day going.  [Just to give myself a little credit - although I haven't had a shower or really gotten past sweats and a t-shirt.  We did manage to take down  and put away all of our Christmas stuff today.  I am also working on some more organization and straightening...I am not completely worthless :)]

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