Monday, March 5, 2012

The Waiting Game

So, it is just hard!  It is trust.  It is patience.  It is knowing that His plan is better than mine.   It is His timing and not mine.  It is anticipation.  It is anxiously awaiting her arrival.  It is wondering what she will look like.  It is having everything ready and just wondering when!  All of my emotions over the past few days.
coming home outfit. I smocked and a friend put it together for me!  excited to have it all done
Last week at my weekly appointment my blood pressure was high.  They took it several times and I was almost 2cm dilated.   The doctor told me to not go back to work and to take it easy the rest of the week and come back on Friday for my blood pressure to be rechecked.  I was sure that this was going to be it, it was almost the same situation as with Collier - Blood Pressure went up, sent home to rest, water broke and then he arrived.  But no water breaking and only inconsistent contractions over the next few days.   In my mind I was now ready for her arrival but she is just not ready!  When I went back on Friday my blood pressure was almost back to normal and so I was sent home with no definite news of her arrival.  I will be honest, I was bummed...I was ready and wanting to have this little girl here in my arms.
nothing on the walls yet. but we are getting there!
So, over the past few days I have really been convicted that my heart is in the wrong spot.  It is not my time but He knows exactly when she will be ready to arrive.  Why would I want her to be any sooner.....for my selfish desires!  I am continually reminded that I have allowed my thoughts to be consumed with the anticipation of her arrival and NOT on Him.  I have had to surrender over and over and over again this though process, the confession, asking forgiveness and once again aligning my thoughts with His instead of my own!  It is hard!  It should be natural.  His ways are better!  I know that, why do I battle is so much?  I am plain crazy but I find myself a million times a day going through this process of surrender!  I honestly want this waiting time to be filled with His joy instead of on poor me.  I am ready, but He [and she] are not and so I wait.  I wait and I ask God to prepare her heart and her body for her arrival.  I ask for my delivery to be smooth.  I ask for our families hearts to be prepared for the change that is ahead.  I ask for Collier's understanding and his relationship with her.  I ask for His perfect time!  I praise Him that He knows better than I do and that He will guide me so that I am right in line with His will!  No better place to be!  Just to be honest, it isn't exactly the easiest thing to stay on that path and He never said it would be.  I am so thankful that I have a baby in my tummy.  I am thankful that she is healthy.  I am thankful for His many blessing because it could be much harder and much more different.  So, I know fully well how silly it is that I am making such a big deal about this, but it is just where I am in the waiting game!

We did have a great weekend.  Relaxing and low key.  After a rainy and over cast Saturday it was great to have a beautiful Sunday.  We spent some time outside playing baseball and golf [well Justin and Collier did and I just sat and watched].  Collier and I did walk to the play ground at the church across the street from where we live on Saturday but as soon as we got there it started raining and so we walked right back home. He took a 3 hour nap every day this weekend, which also allowed me to get in a few naps as well!   Justin got our laundry room all cleaned out and organized and we also vacuumed the house.  I made chicken pot pie for dinner and managed to use almost every dish in the kitchen.  Good for me since I cooked I didn't have to clean up!  Good for me I have a really good husband who cleaned the whole mess up after we ate.  I was also able to freeze some individual pie's for easy dinner after Miss Priss arrives!  I have been trying to do that over the past few weeks...stock up the freezer.  But if I am being honest, it has been mostly sweets.....like chocolate cake and cookies.....more than dinner items.  Oh well, that is what happens when preggo woman thinks about what she may want after a baby arrives :)

1 comment:

Crazy Lady said...

Good luck. Great attitude. She is gonna be a knockout