Tuesday, December 13, 2011

a day

It has been a day already.  I woke up, after not sleeping good and having crazy/disturbing dreams, and was not wanting to get out of the bed.  I was already behind schedule.  By the time I got myself put together and Collier fed I decided that I wasn't going to take him to school and my mom needed to leave her house by 8:30 to meet a friend.  Collier has had a runny nose and a slight cough and I decided to keep him out of school to just be on the safe side.   I was trying to hurry and Collier wasn't in any hurry and not exactly cooperating which resulted in me getting frustrated with him and myself.  My attitude is bad today and the bad part is that I realize it.  I remind myself that it is a choice that I make of if I adjust my attitude or not.  All of this going through my head on the way to work....as I keep telling myself that I don't want to go to work and just want to go home and get in the bed.  My back hurts.  I did make it to get a flu shot and then to grab lunch at chickfila before coming to the office.  The lady giving me my food looked at me and said 'I just have to thank you, you have been smiling the entire time and I really needed that today, so thank you'.  She wished me a good day and off I went and then I cried.  Little did she know (and I should have told her) how much I needed to hear that!  A simple smile that requires so little effort makes such a different.  I know that God put her in my path and I know that it was He who was telling me that.  I am a wreck today and I am trying to pull it together.

And you want to know why I am just crazy today?  because I have been out of God's word for a solid week now.  I haven't touched my bible and I can feel the result.  I can feel satan, the world creeping in and taking over and distracting me.  I don't like it and I have the choice to resist and turn to my loving God who came to this earth for me.  The Son of God, who is the creator of all things, who is fully God yet became fully human (the Word became human and made His home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen His glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son. John 1:14). He chose and so today, I choose too! I choose to look to Him instead of the things that are to be done. I want Him to be my every thought instead of my to do list. I want Him to fill me with His joy instead of the temporary joys this world can falsely give. It is after all HIM that we are here to celebrate for Christmas. No matter what we do and try to do to make Christmas our way, the bottom line is that if not for the birth of Christ, there would be no Christmas. No gifts, no lights, no celebration, no gather, no point. It is all for Him and it is just my desire to keep focused on Him.  I am really trying to teach Collier that Christmas day we will celebrate Jesus' birthday.  I have no idea what is sinking in and what is going clear over his head, but I promise that I am talking about it.  Now if I can only reflect Jesus in my attitude for Collier to see more clearly I think I would be much better off.

I then just get mad at myself for letting myself get so out of balance. Needless to say I am going to wake up early tomorrow morning and dive straight into His word for some much needed quiet time. I am not going to allow the busyness of this season to be a reason for me to stray away and not bind myself to the One who is the whole point of everything that we have going on.  


tmiller said...

Love your post! I agree- I can really tell when I haven't spent time in the Word. I love www.inspiredtoaction.com
Merry Christmas!!

Crazy Lady said...

i know how you feel but don't beat yourself up, good for you for noticing...thats have the battle! i heard a fun quote that says live so that when you wake up in the morning Satan thinks 'oh no! she's up!" get it?