Photo Book

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Just got around to creating a book for Kenley's arrival.  Glad to have it done and have it ordered.  

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Motherhood...the real thing

I love being a Mom and I love my children with all my heart.  It is easy some times to put on a smile and say that everything is fine and great!  I never want to seem to complain about my children because the fact of the matter is that they are a blessing.  A huge blessing and gift from God and for each of them I am oh so thankful.  That doesn't mean that parenting is all snuggles, smiles and happy bliss because it is hard!   God never promised that things would be easy and parenting is certainly not exempt from that. I am learning that not all babies are the same and that some babies are just harder than others.  Kenley qualifies for the latter.   Kenley is still doing a lot of crying and a lot less sleeping.  The doctor has recommended that we take our focus off of the day time naps [because it wasn't working and she cried more than napped] and redirect our efforts to night time routine and sleeping.  Strategy: cry it out.  aka: see how long momma can take it and not give in.  I've tried this before and she would escalate and get more upset as time went by instead of soothing and calming.  Plus my heartstrings get pulled at about 30minutes of crying.  I give in.  I want to hold her.  I want to comfort her.  I want her to know I am here for her.  I want to protect her.  I want to pour my love out with my arms wraped around her. It has been about a month since I last tried letting her CIO so this will be round two and I have back up [aka Justin who is not easy to give in] I am terrified at how this will unfold in the fear of her crying for 3 hours literally brings tears to my eyes.  I can not take that and I am praying hard that God will be the one to comfort. sooth. protect. wrap His arms around her and that she will sleep!

This will begin tonight and we will just see how it goes.  I will say that past two days have been slightly better with her going to sleep.  Yesterday she cried herself to sleep sitting up, but I left her because I knew if I went in to lay her down she would wake up.  Last night she was up twice [12:15a and 5a] and both times she was wide awake after eating.  After I was sure she was well burped and clean diaper I laid her down - wide awake - and she eventually fell asleep without a single peep.  It gives me hope that letting her cry will be ok and she will settle down.  She may be able to do it now that she is a little older.  Either way I am asking God to be the comfort for her and the patience for me!

As her Mom I want to make her feel better and not cry but sometimes there is just so much that I can do. In the midst of the screaming crying [have I mentioned how loud her cry is?] and she is pushing away from me and crawling up me and unable to relax...I just want to cry.  I am emotionally, physically and mentally tired.  I have felt that I have fallen short as a Mom for her and don't know what more to do. Sunday at the lake I had a complete melt down and I think it just helped and felt good to cry and cry hard! I love her and want her to be happy.  I've said this before, when she has had a good nap and is in a good mood she is precious.  She is crawling and standing up on anything that she can reach....this is way earlier than Collier ever thought about.  She loves for anyone to talk to her and has such a sweet smile.  She is very interested in Brinkley and will crawl all over her when she is near by.  She adores Collier and keeps her eyes on him anytime he is in sight.  She giggles at him a lot and that just makes me so happy.  She puts everything that she touches into her mouth and has started to drool quite a bit in the past week, it is probably safe to say she has teeth on the way.  She still loves to swing [and we are all ready for the cooler weather and less misquitos so that we can enjoy outside more].  All of this to say that she is precious.  She is my sweet baby girl who is just having a hard time right now.  I know that this is just a short phase and that it will be gone in a flash.  When I am up nursing her in the middle of the night I do love to hold her close and tight because in just a few short months she will not be so willing or wanting to snuggle up in my lap.

My verse of the day [via YouVersion] yesterday was Psalm 68:19
Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. And for that I am thankful.  It is He who carries me through each day and night!  And He also has Kenley wrapped in His arms safely as well! How great is He to give me this verse at such a time as this!

**I started this post this afternoon and am just now trying to finish it up....so I already have an update:
 After an hour of trying to get her to nap this afternoon, she was rubbing her eyes, long blinks and crying, she would not go to sleep.  So I bathed her and gave her to Justin while I bathed Collier and I just went in to check on her and she was sound asleep on the couch next to Justin.  Yep he just got a new job...Kenley is his every night after bath time! 
GOD.IS.GOOD!

Conversations with Collier

Few weeks ago we went to get Collier's hair cut, as I mentioned before it was way over grown and in much need of a cut.  He cried all morning that he didn't want to get his hair cut and he loves and adores Mrs. Ginger who cuts his hair.  Not sure why he was so against going but here was our conversation on the way:

CH: I not want to go get my hair cut
Me: Why not buddy
CH: because I don't
Me: You love Mrs. Ginger
CH: she has scissors and she is going to cut my hair
Me: Yes sir
CH: I don't want her to
Me: why not
CH: I don't want her to cut ALL my hair off like Pops [referring to my dad]
Me: [laughing really heard] oh no, i'm going to tell Pops you said that
CH: [laughing at me laughing] yeah, Pops only has a little hair
Me: that is right
CH: but he has lots on his tummy
Me: [laughing hysterically]

When I told my dad he asked if he really meant his chest....yes but he just refers to all of it as his tummy.  Very funny.  And of course he did great once he saw Ginger and I had assured him that she wouldn't cut it all off like Pops!  We'll be sure not to go to the lady that cuts Pops hair ;)  He just continues to make us laugh at his though process.

My other favorite is his reference to time is so far off.  He calls yesterday tomorrow.  He refers to just a few hours away as tomorrow.
As he is going down for his nap: 'what we go'na do tomarwo?'
In talking about something he did yesterday: 'I already did that tomarwo?'
In talking about something we are going to do in the future: 'we go'na do that yest'rday'
It is really cute and I hate to correct him because I think it is so cute and funny...but I know that is part of the learning and want him to have the right time frames!

Tired Baby

So I called the doctor last week to make an appointment and the nurse asked why I needed to see her...long pause from me 'well she is crying a lot and I don't know what else to do'.  Yeppers, I took Kenley to the doctor because she cry's.  You would think I am a first time mom [I am feeling like one because everything I learned with Collier doesn't apply when it comes to Kenley] and was embarrassed to have to go to the doctor because of all of the crying.  After talking it through the her she seems to think that she isn't getting enough sleep. great, now I really feel like crazy mom. She thinks that she is up to long and not able to cope in the evenings [hence all the crying] I was given strict orders to put her back down for her first nap after an hour to hour and half and then only two hours in between naps for the rest of the day.  Well, this is much easier said then done for a few reasons:

1. She doesn't relax well to want to go to sleep which means that when we try and sooth her or lay her down at the 1 - 1.5 hour time frame she cries.
2. When she cries, it is loud and even if you try and let her cry it out she gets louder and more and more worked up.  She doesn't tire out and get herself settled down.
3. she is curious and nosy and any noise or talking she hears while trying to go to sleep will alert her and she pops her head up and looks for what is going on.  She is 5 months and doesn't want to miss a minute of action.

So, although our efforts have been good our success has not.  I can not make her sleep.  Even though I try everything...rocking, singing, swaying, feeding, shhhhing and lots of pasey in and out.  All of this is in addition to the fact that she is still getting up twice during the night to eat.  Maybe she is tired but she just doesn't know it, either way I am clueless.  I am supposed to report back to the doctor on Tuesday with an update so it will be interesting to hear what she suggests or thinks going forward.  I sort of think it may be more tummy issues than sleep issues but as notes before...CRAZY and CLUELESS and slightly sleep deprived.  

But here is the catch, when she is awake and not fussy and crying...she is the sweetest thing ever.  She loves when people talk to her and will smile so big that her mouth pops open.  she loves face to face time and is really such a sweet baby when she is happy!  She is also a mover, look out because she is basically crawling.  It is slow but she can get across the room for anything she sets her eyes on.  She doesn't like to be laid flat on her back which means that diaper changes are also a bit of a challenge.  Saturday in my failed effort to get her down for her early nap she was in her crib crying and I looked at the monitor and she had pulled herself on her knee's and was holding onto the side of the crib.  This was something new for her and I was shocked and then all of a sudden she pushed herself up to her feet. WHAT?  I ran in there and asked her what she was doing and all the tears rolled away and she grinned from ear to ear.  She thought it was funny, I was in shock.  Now that she knows she can get up that is what she tries to do if she is awake in her crib.  Oh my goodness she is so very busy and ready to be on the go and I am not quite as ready as she is.

Collier's First Day

Today began our first day of 3Yr. Pre-K.  Collier will be going three days this year and we are very excited about his class and teachers.  He did great when I dropped him off, he was a little shy going in but was big and brave and perfectly fine once Mrs. Jennifer grabbed his hand for him to pick out his activity for the morning.  He did really good and had a fun day.  His teacher said that he did very good, so we are officially off to a good start!  He told me he ate all of his lunch and that he sat next to Efan (Ethan) during lunch, they read a book about a dinosaur and he colored a picture [but we left it in his cubby on accident].  Such a sweet little man.  

Rewind
When we went to meet his teacher on Monday, he told us all morning that he didn't want to go to school.  once we got there he got comfortable and explored around to see what all was in the class.  He stopped at the kitchen area and played with all of the food and equipment.  He was very busy making his 'dinner' when i told him it was time to go.  he didnt want to go at all.  and since then that is all that he has talked about... 'you didnt let me finish my dinner at my teacher' and so i told him he would have lots of time to cook in the next several months!!

Here was our conversation this morning about the kitchen:

Me: You'll get to play in the kitchen at school today

CH: no no no, at my teacher

Me: well your teacher is the lady who teaches you, did you know you have two teachers Mrs. Jennifer and Mrs. Audry

CH: My kitchen is at my teacher

Me: well it is in your class room which is at your school

CH; Oh yeah

Me: You'll be able to make your dinner and eat it today

CH: you don't call me today, you need to go to work

Me: huh

CH: when you called me and William was there  [he is now referring back to Monday, his friend William was in the kitchen when I was telling Collier it was time to go and he didn't want to leave because he was in the middle of making himself dinner] and you didn't let me finish

Me: oh yeah, you'll be able to finish today, I'm going to work and I'll be back to pick you up later

CH: yeah you need to go to work.

Me: thank you buddy.

all of that to say that he did tell me that he got to play in the kitchen today and that the couldn't find the mit that goes with the kitchen.  Maybe he'll be able to find it on Friday.  I am just glad to for great first day.  

Cereal, Sleeping and a Hair Cut

Tuesday I started Kenley on rice cereal.  I really wanted to wait until 6 months but with all of the sleepless nights this was my final attempt and last resort to try anything to help this little priss pot sleep through the night.  She really liked the cereal and every bite was followed by a little finger sucking. She already keeps her fingers in the mouth, so a little finger licking with each bite of cereal seemed to work good for her. She wanted more when it was all gone! 

She had cereal Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and was up 2 and 3 times.  Thursday she had a very bad day with Nammy and did a lot of crying and not as much sleeping.  She was better when we got home but still didn't sleep.  I didn't give her any cereal [mostly because I didn't have time with cooking our dinner] and guess what....she finally slept all night!  I was in shock at 4am and she had not cried through the night.  I must have been from the lack of sleep and all the crying  during the day [Nammy's poor ear's.....have I mentioned the girl cries/screams loud!] because last night she was up twice again...midnight and 4am.   I have just come to terms with the fact that she is not the sleeper that Collier was and that in her right time she will get it.  I've tried letting her cry it out and honestly I cant't stand to let her cry longer than 20 minutes and by 20 minutes she is screaming so hard and so loud that the entire house is awake.  I just continue to pray that God show me what to do and to be the mommy that Kenley needs me to be.  It can be a struggle because I want to compare her with Collier and even other 5 month olds but I am resting in the fact that God created her and there may be some good reason that He wants me up with her - holding and feeding her.  It is a blessing and I know it will pass before I know it. 

Thursday also marked 5 months for Kenley.  She is so close to crawling that it is scary.  She gets up on her knee's and rocks and then pushes up to her feet and then back down to her tummy.  She also has been pushing herself up to the sitting position but she still isn't strong enough to sit up all by herself.  She can for a few seconds before she falls over.  She is so strong though and is rolling and army crawling to get around enough to satisfy her.  She is still loving her jumpy and jumping like a crazy girl. 

Friday Collier got his hair cut....it was way long over due.  He was a bit of a shaggy mess!  But he is all cleaned up and handsome now!

BEFORE....

AND AFTER!

Alabama ABC's

Sunday morning Collier was waiting for my Mom to come and pick him up so that he could go and mow the grass and do yard work with my Dad.  I told him that maybe if we say our ABC's then Nammy would be there. After the third time of going through them he told me that I would need to help... 'you help with the awabama part'.  I was a little confused and quickly figured it out...so listen carefully:



Did you catch that...J K awabama P ...  He seems to leave out the Q and W X Y Z.  But I know that he'll get it soon enough.
It was sort of hard to catch and it was about the 5th time we had gone through and be able to actually capture and hear what he was saying.  I was cracking up.  I honestly didn't realize that he knew most of his ABC's when I suggested that we say them, I was just trying to think of something that may take a few minutes until Mom arrived.  He just keeps becoming a big boy.  He starts back to school next Wednesday.

Here are a few of Collier's favorites at 3Years 3Months:
-Favorite Shows: Tom&Jerry, Curious George
-Favorite Foods: fruit, pizza, pimento cheese, nilla waffers, lucky charms for breakfast, yogurt
-Favorite Drink: Sprite...although he only gets it on occasion!
-Favorite things to do: mow the grass or any 'work/task'.  spray bottles to clean his car or windows, wet his hair, etc.  likes to paint more and more, throw and kick balls and of course playing guitar
-Favorite thing to say: 'lets go see'.  When I ask him what he wants to eat or drink he will tell me to go see. I assume he is wanting to see what his options are.
-Favorite Book: Go Dogs Go.  His latest is Little Critter's Easter.  The week before it was Mine-a-sour
------------
-He sleeps with his little lantern on every night, plus Maurice, Ginger and Digger..still rubbing their tag on his face.  If he gets a boo-boo he rubs the tags on his boo-boo to make it all better!
-He doesn't do good with transitions - even the every day ones.  When I get to Mom's to pick him up he doesn't want me to be there and doesn't want to go home.  When Mom comes to our house to pick him up he doesn't want her to be there and doesn't want to go to her house.  He says he doesn't want to go to church and then does great going into his class and proceeding into the church with the children.  Which should make getting back to school interesting.  I am praying for confidence in getting started back...he was still hanging on to me at the end of the year last year....
-He is very afraid of Thunder and Fireworks - and any loud noise really bothers him.  Not sure why he is sensitive to loud noises because he can be so loud himself!
-He is really funny and keeps us all laughing at the things that he says and does.  He feeds off of laughter....just like his daddy does!
-He is so sweet to snuggle when I lay in the bed with him at night or in the mornings.
-He just keeps growing and getting big...I tell him that he can't grow any more and he tells me that he has to grow big and strong so that he can 'drive pops boat'.   So sweet and precious and a true blessing!

Kenley's Doing's

She likes her little Sophie.  The trick is going to be keeping it away from Brinkley...every time it squeaks Brink comes running.


Its official: She is out of our room and into her bed!  Thanks to our new monitor, I can still watch both of them in their own beds.  Bad news is that Kenley is still not getting all the way through the night, good news is that we are down to getting up once and not twice!  Praise the Lord for the little things :) She starts out on her side and isn't long long before she is on her tummy, butt in the air and normally face down in her blankie.  She sleeps good like that and so we let her be!

Besides rolling all around and moving like crazy, she has been pushing up to her knees and rocking on all fours.  This is a little early for me, I can't seem to slow this booger down.  I can't remember if I have shared this or not; but I used to leave Collier on his changing table at 6 months with no worries of him rolling or going anywhere.  Kenley can't be left anywhere unattended except maybe the floor.   She loves tummy time which may be why she is getting to her knee's so much quicker.  Collier screamed the minute I tried to put him on his tummy.  

If passey isn't in her mouth her fingers are.  She is generally a sweet natured and happy baby, but she does still have her moments of crying really hard which is normally connected to tummy issues.  It is usually after I've had onions or a caffeinated drink that she is the worst.  I am doing all that I can to cut back or eliminate both.  I have a coke or dr. pepper about once a week, so its not like I am downing soda's excessively every day.  But even one seems to have a bad effect on her.   Doing what I can to make it easier on her.

This past week my Mom got a long over due vacation!  A week without any kids or responsibility.  Justin's Dad and Step Mom came up for the week to keep the kids and my Mom bolted to the lake.  It was fun for Collier to have his Papoo to give him so much attention and allow Nunny to care for Kenley.  Collier loves any time with any of his grandfathers[he loves his grandmother's too]....he just craves and loves 'man time'. Thank you Papoo and Nunny for coming to visit....they had a blast!  We love yall.

So Thirsty

I have had a few days in the past week that I can't seem to quite quench my thirst. I should be drinking more water than I do, especially with nursing exclusively still. I do pretty good during the day, at work.  But at home, I am not as good and by the time I crawl in the bed I am so thirsty and needing more water.  Its not uncommon that I will drink a large glass of water through the night.  In addition to this physical thirst I also have experienced a bit of a spiritual drought as well in the past month.  I haven't been in The Word like I need to be on a daily basis and I can see the impact and affect it is having on me.  It all came to light Sunday at church as the sermon was based on John 6:22-39.  Plus the small group [that I have missed more than attended ] this summer sent an email to read through John 4!  Both covering how Jesus is the only true satisfaction.
    John 6: 35 'Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again.
          Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'

Last week, Justin was out of town a few nights for work.  One of the nights I was so short tempered and quick to get angry at everything that Collier did, frustrated that Kenley wouldn't stop crying and that she was so loud.  Wanting selfishly to do things that I wanted/needed to do [laundry, straighten up the house, etc], instead of holding Kenley all night because she refuses to be laid down or quiet.  By the time I spoke to Justin that night I was frustrated and angry because nothing was going quite right.  As I laid my head down I realized the problem.  It was me who was trying to get it all done.  It was my way that I was seeking.  It was all about me.  The spotlight was on me and only me.  Not Him.  When the realization hit me, I was suddenly ashamed at how I treated my children, instead of being thankful to Him just to have them [and that they are healthy and well and precious], that I wasn't treating them as the Gift, that they really are, from Him but more of an inconvenience.  I hope that I am not the only Mom who has ever felt this way....I certainly won't be qualifying for Mother of the Year award anytime soon.  I need to be more aware of where my heart is and seek Him.  Ask Him for help instead of thinking that I can do it all or even that I need to do it all.  If I am seeking Him then I will accomplish exactly what it is that HE wants me to accomplish and do in that day...which may mean that the laundry basket full of clothes may not get washed or folded.  Jesus promises to provide: 'for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.' Psalm 107:9.  If I am relying on my own vices, I will never achieve and I will continue to need to go to the well to be satisfied.  I can look at the well as if it is the world, it is a source but what it provides will continue to be only temporary satisfaction and will return void.  But if I am looking for my satisfaction to be in Him, He will provide.  'But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.' John 4:14.

By being disconnected, I became self consumed. and realized how badly that I need Him.  How badly I do it when I am on my own and how I want to walk with Him.  Just last night someone reminded me that we are to be evenly yoked with God.  He will remove our burdens and make it easier.  But if we pull ahead of Him and trying to do on our own...then we are doing double the work and all for no good. 'Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30.  See we have to walk with Him, side by side, together and it can be much easier.

I have to constantly ask Him to help me to just find and take the time to be quiet with Him.  There are too many days I don't give Him but a few minutes and then I am thirsty AGAIN.  But when I am walking with Him, there is joy and a rightness [i'm certain I just made that word up]  that can only be explained by Him and to Him I want to give the glory.  It is when I am off on my own that I get myself drug into the mud.  Just a reminder that He is my ultimate satisfaction...the rest of it will just fall short!

Backward

I feel like we are going backwards with our night time sleeping. For a few weeks [it seems like forever ago] she slept the full 8 hours with no problem. Then she started waking up between 3am and 4am to eat. And now she is waking up twice during the night to eat. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite and that the older she gets the more sleep we should ALL be getting? I am sort of at a loss and not sure what to do. We just got a monitor for her room so starting this weekend she will be in her own bed and not next to mine! I think this will be a huge help and YES I am very late in getting her to her own bed, this is long over due. I am trying to mentally prepare for letting her cry it out and I am just NOT.LOOKING.FORWARD.TO.IT! When I am busy and she is crying and I don't get to her immediately she gets hysterical which makes me dread letting her CIO. I did it with Collier and it only took about 3 nights with the max amount of crying being about 15 minutes. I am seriously praying that she will cooperate and be able to sooth herself back to sleep without me loosing my mind. I am having a much harder time with her than I did with Collier with all of this sleeping and I think it is starting to catch up with me. I am TIRED! I almost fell asleep sitting in my chair pumping at work...that would have been a sight! If anyone has any suggestions or tips I would really appreciate it.  I just thought that we would be sleeping better and more soundly by now. 

She is still having some moments, in the evening particularly, when she will just cry really hard for a while.  I am still giving her colic medicine at those time but I am thinking that it may be something else or that I shouldn't still be using the medicine.  I am going to call the doctor tomorrow and talk through that with her and see what she suggests. 

 On the positive side. She is really starting to sit up and stable herself very well. I laid her in her bouncy seat this morning and next thing I know she was sitting straight up in the chair. I couldn't believe it, from the laid back position to sitting straight up and leaning forward.  I have to strap her into it or she will either roll out or now tumble out of the front of it.  She is so strong.

I know that I mentioned before that she likes her jumpy seat too and last weekend she was loving the jumparoo. She bounces like crazy and squeals with excitement. When I told her and stand her up on me, all that she does is bounce and jump with her legs. Mom called her a little kangaroo and I think that may just be her new nickname....my Little Roo Baby